Worried about everything


The celfone’s alarm went on at 7am today and for once Jojo’s sms text was oddly missing only to find Dave’s. He asks if I am going to Villarosa beach as Windguro was forecasting 17-20kts. today. I swept the curtain aside and looked above the balcony’s railing only to find grey skies everywhere. The sliding door was dotted with water droplets. Nope not a good day to go windsurfing or kiting if ever I thought. I answered Dave back I might but it looked like a wet rainy day today and he replied so true. But hey it was only 7am and there was enough time left till the tide really goes high.

Went downstairs to find myself a clean cup within the mess of last night’s dinner aftermath. There was a pile of dishes on the sink. Me and Iza were really tired last night to do the dishes. And with eyes not fully open decided to clean one utensil and plate one at a time while the coffee was brewing. How I wish the stay-out maid arrived so I can gift myself with a well deserved few-hours-outing-on-the-beach thing even if it’s drizzling. Wifey came down as well and did her own instant coffee.

Looks like am stuck with Annika now as the hope’s of breaking another 30kts. was dimming fast. Rains came in spurts sometimes heavy. What a dreary morning, the air felt cold, wet and uncomfortable and the rain getting stronger was dampening the t.v.’s newscast as well as my hopes. Oh well I must proceed on. Iza got prepped and left the house just on time as usual and when Annika woke up she just went downstairs like a robot and tuned in to her favorite cartoon network.  She tagged along upstairs and wanted to play Dora on the internet so I let her till we played a Mario brother’s racing game and that was fun I thought. By this time it was already 10:30am and I just wanted to leave the house and try to eat something healthy other than the usual oatmeal. Annika was complaining and whining whilst on the floor that she wanted to be change clothes downstairs but I insisted with in a stronger tone that the room was the place for it. Sigghh! This is a Friday? It’s supposed to fun on a day like this but not really. I myselft looked at the mirror to find myself thinning out fast and needed some real food to raise my weight. I looked healthy but could hear stomach grumbling’s and uncontrolled flatulence. Stress was getting in high gear.

We we’re eating at Jollibee’s and for a brief moment was daydreaming seeing all kinds of folks and thinking to myself how can I better myself than them who had jobs and were way off better than me. I thought about my ATM balance was getting lower and that the last savings was going to be hurriedly siphoned off if I don’t find a job. I looked back and forth at Annika and saw her innocent smile and questions about everyday life. I wanted to tell her if Daddy can’t give her what she wants when she starts growing up she doesn’t complain but couldn’t do it for now as there was time for that. I was worried about my finances, the upcoming 10 day leave of Iza and the summer vacation of Annika. My financial statement was on the yellow mark and about to turn red. Work on the internet wasn’t going to add positive points on my balance but just slow it’s downward pace. My patience with Iza and Annika was sometimes getting thin that a slight complain usually got a short bad tempered remark. I didn’t like this. How I wish life was like before when I had the farm and was living contently. There was little worry and a better feel for us three even if we were living for the now and not worrying for the longterm. The worst part still is even if I was laden with a good bank account I always thought what was for the next month and tried to budget everything. I wanted to send Iza a text message if she wanted to eat or stay out instead of getting back from work and changing into her night clothes but on this day decided not to.

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